He Say, She Say - Too Many Can Relate To It

I just got this through imeem.
I don't know the name of the guy but his story should be heard.

the song you hear happens to be my favorite song by ((my idol)) Lupe Fiasco. this song is titled He Say She Say. i love this song so, becuz it reminds me strongly of my relationshit ((yes relationshit, not -ship)) with my own father. needless to say we dont get along. at all. why, i dont know. i honestly have grown to believe that he hates me. why, yet again, i havent the slightest clue. i do know that it started at an early age. their were many incidents to prove to anybody that he hates me. for example, anybody who knows me knows that me && my sister are twins, now my brilliant, genius of a father says i'm not his. why you might ask?? becuz i take more after my mother's side of the family while my sister takes more after his side. so he feels, simply, that, "he dont look like me, he aint mine." pretty bad huh?? well thats not the end of it. another fine example is my speech impediment. now i stutter, but i didnt before daddy-o came along. now it is an old belief in my family, & probably others, that if you cut someones hair it makes them weak. now i didnt have this problem until one night when my dad ((on another one of his drunken rampages)) thought that my mom was trying to dread my hair & he wasnt having that. he strongly dislikes jamaicans & i dont know why. ((i mean i dont see why he doesnt, my mom's jamaican, which would make me & my sister jamaican, so if she decided she wanted to dread my hair, whats the issue??)) here's a pic of the end result. ((you probably cant see it that great, but i cried buckets & he made my hair so uneven that it never grew the same again. he messed up my hairline & everything, which caused me years of being cracked on. thanx again dad =D))

it doesnt end there...but you know what?? i'll save you guys the rest of my life story && get to the most recent of events. ((trust me this blog could go on.))
well my dad is trying to get to know me ((now that i'm 17 years old, pretty much grown && dont need him in my life, but trying to get to know me nonetheless i suppose)) so from time to time he would come & take me for a ride with him in his car & we'd ride around the city && just talk. i actually liked this feeling of ((as cheesy as this may sound)) having a man around to show me right from wrong & who just wants to know me. i mean, i love my mother ((no questions asked)) but i would like to be able to say that i know & love my father too. but thats the problem:: my mother. whenever i get around my dad, he talks trash about my mom. about what she does & doesnt do for me, what she should be doin, & just disrespecting her in all ways possible right in my face like i wont get offended. i mean, my mom does everything for me. we may not always have the best of everything but we always have something becuz my mom would go a night without feeding herself, just to make sure we ate. if thats not love then i dont ever want to know what it is. & one particular night when he took me out, he was drunk ((i forgot to mention, he is a major alcoholic. i mean major. if he runs out of beer while we are driving, he will stop at the nearest liquor store & buy himself another 40 oz.)) he wanted to go see his friend melvin & brought me along. while at mel's house, we talked & just chilled out. but then mel started asking me questions cuz he said he hadnt seen me since i was 4. he asked me if i wanted to go to college:: i said, "hell yea!! i want something outa life & i wont get it with just a high school diploma!!" he said that he was happy to hear that somebody so young was really looking forward to college. but my dad's response was, "no he aint. he aint got no job. he dont even have no hustle plan to make no money, cuz i dont know how he supposed to be payin for all that college education." which kinda threw me off cuz i was like 'wow, melvin did ask me, didnt he?? & why does somebody have to hustle to have something?? if he calls selling bootleg movies out of his trunk a hustle, then i dont to hustle.' & besides that, his answer was pretty negative to say the least.

then mel said, "wow i like those shoes you got on. are those vans?? i got my daughter a pair cuz she like skateboarding too. i actually sent her to florida to see her mom & go to the X-Games." to which i replied, "wow!! that is so kewl!! i've always wanted to go to the X-Games!!" to which my father responded, "then you need a job to get that X-Game money!!" yet again...thanx for the support dad. i could honestly see that mel was getting annoyed by my dad's ass-hole antics becuz he invited my dad outside to smoke & told me i could stay in the house if i wanted to. my dad said to come out side anyway becuz there is no one in the house && there was no sense in sitting there by myself. so i reluctantly stepped outside with them. mel started asking more questions, "so why dont you have a job man??" before i could say any fuckin thing!!, daddy-o answers for me, "becuz he got fired from his last job. he aint gonna do nothin but get fired from this one too. besides he thinks he can just call && beg me for money anyway." yet again, i was at a loss for words, i actually wanted to cry out of embarrassment or anger ((i dont know which one)). my eyes stung from the hott tears welling in the back of my head. i think mel seen cuz he then said, "well i think its time for me to get to bed, i gotta get to work in the morning, so let me walk you guys out." i was the first in the house becuz i didnt want them to see me on the verge of tears. mel said his goodbyes to my dad && then he came to me && said, "stay strong fam. you got a good head on your shoulders && you want more. so trust me when i say, you'll get more. we wasnt coming down on you tonight ok, so dont feel discouraged. just keep on doin what you do." && yet again, to which my father replied, "i dont even see why you talkin to him, its all gonna go in one ear & then out the other." i really think mel knew what was up, cuz then he just came up, gave me dap && a hug && said, "be kewl little man. you'll be ok." it felt so weird to me becuz mel aint even my father && i felt love.

we left & while we were in the car driving, it was just eating away at me that he has to be so damn negative to me. i wanted to cry as i stared out the window. as i was trying to gain the courage to ask why he said all that to mel, he asked me, "so did anything we said to you stick or do you plan on just ignoring it??" that was THE final fucking straw. so i said, "dad, i listen to everything you say, but i dont listen to ignorance." to which he replies, "oh so i'm ignorant??" where i said, "i didnt say that. i'm just sayin that sometimes you say some really harsh stuff." he says, "thats cuz i dont give a fuck. do you know why all my friends call me money?? cuz i got money, i can do whatever the fuck i want & aint shit nobody can do about it." ((now when did we get onto nicknames??))

i didnt know what to say, so i just sat in silence. he then said, "oh you aint got all that fuckin mouth now huh??" i still didnt say anything, becuz now i was pissed the fuck off. if he spent more time with me then he'd know, like a lot of people do, that when i've said my piece, i'm done. but when you wont drop it, then i'm about to cuss you the fuck out or you about to get your shit split. i dont like too much talkin in a hostile situation, i'm all about action then.
but he didnt stop. this is where my mom comes into play. he said, "just like that $300 i put in the bank for you, what the fuck ever happened to that??" i say, "dad, that was last year!! did you expect it to last me my whole life?!?!" he then jerked the car to a stop in front of my house && stared at me. i stared back & waited for him to unlock the door && let me out, he didnt. he said, "yea you know why i gave you that money, to see if your mother was gonna ask for it. i knew she would. you know why, cuz she aint got shit. has she ever opened you a bank account??" ((she didnt ask me for a penny))i barely got out my, "no..." before he said, "of course fuckin not!! she aint got shit to give you!! yet you dont appreciate shit i do!! you's a ungrateful muhfucker && yet you worship her ass like she got something!!" that broke shit for me. my silence was now non-existent. i said, "yo!! why every time i'm spending time with you, you gotta talk shit about my fucking mother!! i dont like that & i would appreciate it if you never in your fuckin life did that to my face again!! you dont know what she does for me!! she puts food on my table, clothes on my back, & she'd go without to make sure i had!! i cant say that for you!!" he then stared at me & said, "oh so i guess i struck a nerve huh?" i said, "let me out." i looked at him & he balled his fist, sat up from his seat && stared me dead in my face. i looked away becuz i was honestly scared. truly scared for the first time in my life. scared becuz i didnt know what he was thinking, scared becuz i didnt know if i'd have to fight my father like he was some nigga on the street, && scared becuz i shouldnt have to feel like that about the man that gave me life, & that i love regardless of the shit he puts me through ((as i said this could be way longer. he's put me through a lot.)) he unlocked the doors & said, very calmly, "we dont need to speak again. ever. get the fuck out my car." i snatched the door open && said, "fuck you!!" i slammed the door & walked up on my porch, i heard the tires of his car screech && that was the last i've heard of my father. this happened a little before my birthday. which is in march. so this happened about 5 months ago. i havent spoken to my father in 5 months.

but i want to. i came in the house & cried my eyes out to my mother. who i realize is my biggest fan. no matter what i do, or what i go through, my mom is always there. && she always taught me not to be childish. she says, "you can fight somebody to the death today, but they may be your best friend tomorrow." & she also said, "always forgive. you dont have to forget, but what if that person died today after your little beef. it will eat you up inside that the last thing you && that person shared was hatred, & that you never got to apologize." && trust me it kills me everyday that i cant call & say, "hey dad, let's chill." now dont get it twisted he does this to me all the time, but i guess i just got fed up being that i'm older & i've been dealing with it for so long. but this is one disagreement that my mom hasnt suggested i try to fix. she says that he's wanted it like this for a long time, so let him have it. but it hurts becuz we live in the same city, we see each other all the time, & we always cross paths, but we dont speak. it eats me up inside that every time i go to get my hair cut i walk by his house & i have to keep going becuz he said we cant speak anymore. it killed me that ((even though he didnt wish me a happy birthday))i couldnt wish him one. i cried on my birthday & his. i respect him that much, that i'll make myself hurt knowing that i want to talk to him, but i wont becuz he wants it that way. i call that love. i just wonder if he feels the same way about me. for all its worth ((i know he cant see this but)) i love you dad.

thanks for sharing your story with us